Can one truly enjoy life without testing it's limits?

Sure you can. You see people do that all the time - despite what our mainstream media might tell us, there are people out there who live happy lives, and I dare say they are in a majority. But I've begin to realize lately that I do not belong in that majority.

At first, I thought this sense of lacking something, wanting something more in my life, was nothing but my wish to get out and party with my friends and pick up some hot chicks. But even when I was out partying with friends for two days in a row, this feeling of want did not ease. But it helped, because it made me realize that to ease this feeling, I have to carve out my own life - cut free from the home I've lived in for my entire twenty-one years in life - and carve out my own life somewhere else.

Furthermore, it's not just about carving out a life for myself. Sure, getting away from this back-drop village is a start. But studying to become an archaeologist in a city way away from my home town probably won't be enough. And this feeling of want, of course, compels me to search for a way to ease it. I think that to ease this feeling, I will have to live life the EXACT way I want to live it; as an adventurer - travelling the world, experiencing it to the fullest, meet incredible people that I will be friends with forever - and even then, I'm not sure it's enough.

We've all seen movies with these types of scenes, where the protagonist walks through the night with a pretty girl to some beautiful music, or when the hero of the police show is on his way to meet the badguys in what he knows will end in a shootout, to the tunes of "In the air tonight" by Phil Collins (That's a reference to Miami Vice for you Vice lovers) - these are life-changing moments in the lives of the protagonists of respective film or series. And I realized that what I'm thirsting so for isn't partying, having sex with a pretty girl when I'm feeling lonely, or getting drunk with my friends. That's all fine and dandy, but...

What I'm thirsting for is beyond that. It's a life changing moment. I'm not foolish enough to think that those come very often. And I'm not a madman who want to drive to a meeting with a bunch of criminals knowing it'll end in a bloodbath, either. But I know that this is the emptiness that I feel inside me, that I'm seeking to fill. I've never experienced such an event in my life, and that's the one thing I would sacrifice everything I have to experience.

Why? Because I've realized that you can not claim to have "a life" until you've experienced such a moment with it. This is all my thoughts and suspicions of course - but I suspect they are true just the same.

And perhaps, in some way, a moment that will change my life will truly change me as well, for the better. It might be the final push I need to dare to fully live my life as I want to. Or it might be the moment where I meet a friend who I will live the rest of my life travelling on adventures with - or the woman who I will spend the rest of my life loving. Nobody can tell until they've experenced such a moment. And I least of all, since I have never truly experienced it, and don't even know if such moments are possible, though I suspect they are.

Bah...

I guess I'm earning the nickname "Rambling Spirit" today, but this is important to me. My life has been decent so far, but until I've experienced this feeling, until I've sated this thirst for such a life experience, that lives within me, I suspect my life will never be more than "decent". And as I'm sure you all know, I don't want to live a "decent" life - I want to live a life where I can do what I want, where I am truly free - and "decent" doesn't even begin to describe what such a life would be.

Thank you, and take care, dear readers

Henrik